Growing thoughts..

Hellloooo Humansss!!! Do you remember the feeling of excitement bubbling inside of you as you waited for the next day to arrive whilst barely managing to sleep a wink as you were finally going to be older - a big kid. I remember vividly, the day before my 8th or 9th birthday, (the irony..) I constantly tossed and turned in my bed trying to fall asleep and wondered why the magic of sleeping wasn't working the one day I needed it to work. I even tried counting sheep, which miserably failed.

I guess little me didn't know that my mind was too pre-occupied with exciting thoughts of my birthday!! Luckily, I did end up falling asleep, when I suddenly felt a hand waking me up gently. My eyes were still adjusting to the light when I saw it, sitting on my bed and my parents standing there recording this moment.

A present wrapped in red Disney princess wrapping, I didn't open it for a while as I was just so...surprised..!

Every birthday I had some sort of excitement visit me, I had something to look forward to as I grew older, whether it be a new phone, a new dress, the joys of being older so that I could watch certain movies or even just feeling more like a grown-up.

However, it's rather peculiar that especially since my 16th birthday an overwhelming feeling, a sense of worry slowly started to creeping in to my mind.

Perhaps it's due to the fact that I'm actually getting older, I'm really getting close to being a grown-up, an adult.

I don't know if it's particularly adulthood that scares me..in fact I think it has so much more to do with the concept of leaving my comfort zone, yes I've done several things to test my limits in the past, but everything I've done has been shielded by the confidence that I could always fall back on my parents, my school, but as I grow older, responsibility and accountability start to weigh heavier.

I've got to learn how to be more independent as I grow, I've got to learn to let go some aspects of my childhood and perhaps even make sacrifices as I grow, I've got to become a well-rounded individual and adult as I grow.

Expectations start to settle in, by everyone around you, as they wait to see what amazing things you do with your life, but mainly for you to see what you can do with your life, to see your potential.

Along with growing up comes change, and the fact that I'm basically transitioning from childhood to adulthood as I grow one more year older this year is one thing that is constantly looming above me, but I also know that I cannot let such worries take over my mind.

I do not want to stay awake in anticipation of my birthday with the worry that I'm growing older I'd rather stay awake with excitement..but if it's neither worry nor excitement, I want to make peace with the present, accept that I'm growing older, and try face the challenges in my way rather than succumbing to anxiety. I want to celebrate my age, and all the things i've learnt along the way of this journey as I grow one year older.

Also, don't get me wrong, I still love birthdays, I can't wait to turn 17 so I can start learning how to drive and all, it's just, since Covid it seems like life's running as fast as it can, I guess it's not waiting for anyone.

When did that thought settle in?

My friends and I had to go to an open day of a University recently, and we were stuck in traffic for six hours, those hours that I spent with my friends and parents as we talked about all our memories and talked about our future plans; it made me realise how fast everything had happened.

But when I look back at my birthdays, my memories and achievements, I'm glad to say that I'm filled with a sense of pride, which I strongly want to pursue and hold onto in the future.

Birthdays come and go, but the memories live on in my heart forever - I am still my 9 year old self, 13 year old self, 16 year old self and soon to be 17 year old self.

Here's me wishing you in advance: A happy birthday.

- Ravitreni Signing Off